


Παρακαλώ } parakaló

by guardyanangel



Category: Hornblower (TV)
Genre: A general sense of angst, And navigation of, Consent Issues, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, references to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 15:32:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11233917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guardyanangel/pseuds/guardyanangel
Summary: “Our daily prayer ought to be: Please universe, help me help myself and help me show others how to help themselves.” ― Kamand Kojouriaka "times archie kennedy saidplease."





	Παρακαλώ } parakaló

**Author's Note:**

> _Παρακαλώ/parakaló_ is, per Google Translate, _please_ in Greek. I do not speak Greek so hopefully that is actually correct.
> 
> For those concerned about the noncon aspect of this, it's in the first section only and is, in my opinion, not at all explicit, but of course be careful with yourself as you need to be.
> 
> As a Fandom Old (TM), I must of course add that I own nothing.

The (first) last time Archie Kennedy says  _please,_ he is bent over a table (or perhaps it is in the storeroom, or some other hidden part of the ship-- it all blends together, eventually.) Jack Simpson looms over him, and laughs at Archie's desperate plea, and he does not stop (he never stops) and it keeps on happening again.

It is not long before Archie stops begging. Eventually, he stops making any sound at all.

(Simpson hates this, and does everything he can and more to make Archie gasp or moan or whimper, and hates him all the more when he doesn't succeed.

It is a small victory in a overwhelming tidal wave of defeat, and the part of Archie that hasn't stopped hoping yet accepts it gratefully.)

* * *

The first time he says  _please_ again, it is over a year later, and Horatio Hornblower is a gift he never thought he'd get.

It's shore leave, and they are drunk, so verydrunk, and Horatio is still so veryattractive, and Archie wants to kiss him. When they're behind closed doors, Archie tells him so, and Horatio's already leaning in before he stops himself to ask Archie if he's sure. 

(Archie already knew he'd fall in love with him. He didn't realize this would be the moment.)

Archie says  _yes_ and  _please,_ and it is still desperation but it is not begging. It's permission.

(The kiss is sloppy, and come morning he doesn't remember it all too clearly, but there's a feeling in his chest he doesn't recognize that he eventually comes to realize is happy, and everything is good.)

* * *

 

The second time he says  _please_ , it is not aloud, and it is begging. He promised himself he would never beg anything of another man again, so he directs the sentiment at a God he is starting to believe does not exist.

Five escape attempts, and now a cramped hole in the ground is all he has to show for it, and it has been weeks or maybe years(he does not remember) and he has felt every piece of him that ever had an inkling of hope sputter out and disappear.

When he prays, it is not for rescue or escape. It is for death.

(As with every plea of desperation he has ever made, it goes unanswered.)

* * *

The third time he says  _please,_ things are better. He is healing, still, and possibly always will be. They have gotten back to the  _Indy_ and returned to their prison cell from it. He and Horatio are alone, and young still, and while all is not yet forgotten there has been forgiveness.

They end up kissing on Archie's pallet, at first soft and sweet and then rushing towards something a little more heady, and Horatio pulls back and asks again if he's sure.

(For an instant, Archie forgets when he is, and they are back in a dark little inn about to kiss for the first time.

It doesn't matter, in the end. The answer is still the same.)

He says _please_ , and he is smiling, and Horatio is too, and their hands are moving towards the one part of each other they'd never yet dared to touch. 

It is good, and then it's better, and when it's over Archie is nearly crying from the relief that this is something that could be wonderful, again.

(It is wonderful every time, whenever they manage to be together over the next few years. They are the happiest ones of Archie's life.)

* * *

 

The fourth time Archie Kennedy says  _please,_ he is in a hospital bed looking up at Horatio, and he knows the other man is going to be foolishly honest as much as he knows that being so would end in disaster.

So he says  _please be careful_ and he means  _please don't do this_ but Horatio is stubborn, so stubborn and dutiful and so stupidly, beautifully brave, and somehow Archie has never loved him more despite the fact that this feels like a betrayal and it takes his breath away.

(It is only after Horatio's gone that he realizes it is the only time Horatio has not stopped when he's asked him to.

It's one of the few times Horatio's wrong, and Archie takes the decision into his own hands and says  _please_ \-- for the fifth time-- to a God he still doesn't know is there and asks for forgiveness and a chance and just enough time.)

* * *

 

The sixth time he says  _please,_ it is to William Bush, and the Marines are coming to take him to the courthouse, and it will all be over very soon.

He says abruptly into the silence between them _William, please_ \-- and then stops, because he does not know if he means  _take care of him_ or  _tell him I'm sorry_ or _forgive me, I could have loved you, too,_ and the words form a lump in his throat as he tries to decide which to say in the limited time they have.

William is patient, and kind, and takes his hand and says _I'll look after him_ and  _He'll hate it, but he'll understand_ because he has been learning to read Archie's mind almost as well as Horatio has, and that helps.

He presses the briefest of kisses against William's cheek and settles on  _tell him I love him_ and does not add the sentence William could not glean from his expression. He is hoping he can spare William some of the grief of an almost.

(Horatio will tell him, someday, Archie thinks. Horatio will tell William he loves him and Horatio has always held a part of Archie's heart, and so the love will be from both of them, in that future Archie won't see.

He tries to tell himself that that's enough, and then the Marines come and it has to be.)

* * *

 

The last time Archie Kennedy says  _please,_ he is dying, and Horatio may not forgive him after all, but maybe that's all right. He will live and love again, and that's all that matters to Archie in these last fading moments.

He says  _please take what I offer_ and he means  _a second chance_ and  _life_ and always, always  _my love_ and Horatio knows (he always knows) and accepts it with as much grace as he can muster.

They have never been much for words spoken aloud, but for a moment he thinks Horatio might actually say his  _I love you_ this time, and is almost grateful when he settles on  _I'm honored to have served with you._ It would have been too much, he thinks, to have heard those three words now and known how little time they had left.

So he doesn't say them back; chooses  _And I to have known you_ and hopes it will be enough, and judges by Horatio's small smile that it is, and that's better,  _better already_ \--

(--and as he fades, he still sees Horatio's smile before him, and the (eighth) very last _please_ he offers among the living is to the God he may or may not be about to see, and it is for Horatio, for his protection, and for the hope that someday the world will see that smile even now that Archie is 

_gone.)_


End file.
